“I love my husband, I love my husband”, that’s what I continued to tell myself shortly after Saint was born. Hubby had been great the entire pregnancy, from attending every doctor’s appointment (and I mean every appointment) to rubbing my back when I would be in pain. He was pretty much as perfect as it got from a partner standpoint. Even my doctor and nurse commended him on how amazing he had been during the pregnancy. So, I couldn’t for the life of me understand why I despised him so much after Saint was born. After some time of reflection, I realized I despised him because:
His life did not stop just because mine did. Though Hubby realized that we now have a child because of the long nights and early mornings, he still continued his normal day to day routine and I mine had completely changed. Hubby continued to work and I was on maternity leave. Hubby continued to coach his little league football team and I was stuck in the house caring for a newborn baby. Hubby was still social and had interactions with the outside world and I was jealous of that. I felt trapped and I hated it. I didn’t feel like myself and my emotions were all over the place. I cried a lot more than usual, I was scared, felt lonely, and I had major anxiety about motherhood. When people would ask me how I was doing, of course, I pretended like everything was fine. But, everything wasn’t fine. I was having major baby blues… I needed to get out of the house. Once I started feeling up to it I got out. I went to the grocery store, lunch with friends, to the gym, to the hair salon… just simple things to get me back normal again.
His love looked different than mine. Since I obviously spent more time with Saint, I “knew” exactly what certain cries meant and how to soothe him. Hubby, on the other hand, had different ways of doing things and that drove me nuts!! I hated the way he would hold Saint, feed him, bathe him…you name it, I hated it. Luckily, this stage for me was short lived. I realized I was being a bit of an a$$hole and super dramatic. Though knowing this did not stop me from giving Hubby pointers about caring for Saint, but it did stop me from micromanaging his every move with him. I had to realize that Hubby loves Saint just as much as I do, and as long as Saint appeared happy and not crying, I need to let it go.
He had so many opinions. I knew prior to Saint that Hubby was opinionated and I didn’t mind it. However, after Saint arrived it seemed that he really became opinionated and it got on my last nerve! He had opinions on the type of formula we should use, breastfeeding, bath time, hell now that I think about it, he even had an opinion on whether I should get an epidural or not. I mean, I was the one who carried Saint for 39 weeks and 6 days, I was his first protector how could Hubby tell me about what’s best for Saint and how would he know?! Although I was happy that he cared so much about all things related to Saint, it made me feel that he either didn’t trust me with Saint or thought I didn’t know what I was doing to care for Saint. But, in a way, he was kind of right…. I didn’t know what I was doing because this was all new to me just like it was to him. How could I be upset about his opinions regarding Saint when maybe some of his opinions were right? Afterall, Saint was as much my son as he was Hubbys. Therefore his opinions mattered just as much as mine.
Lack of intimacy. Hubby and I are extremely affectionate people. We live in an almost 3,000 sq foot home and we were always in the same room sitting next to each other. We were basically attached at the hip. That all changed. The focus had shifted to being 100% about Saint and not each other. Was Saint eating enough? Did he poop today? Is he eating too much? We completely forgot about one another because we were so consumed by our new found love for this little person. On top of that, we knew that we couldn’t actually be intimate for at least 6 weeks. And let me tell you that 6 weeks waiting period seemed like it lasted forever! Geesh! I am sure as Saint gets older we will get back to the way things used to be when it was just he and I. But, right now we try to take every moment we have to show affection to one another.